I lay in bed.
And wait.
Waiting for the sleep that I so desperately desire.
And then,
I wait.
And wait.
And wait some more.
Then! an idea pops into my mind. It is something that I could do to get me to go to sleep oh so easily. I want to go to the gym. However, to my dismay, the gym is not open at two thirty in the morning... and so...
I lay there.
And wait.
And think about how much I want to go to them gym just so that I can plop down on my bed and fall so blissfully into sleep.
But the more that I lay there and think, the more thoughts that pop into my mind. Things that make no sense. Things that I'd forgotten. Things that made me upset. Things that make me mad. Things that are stressing me out. Things that I fear. Things that I would do anything to prevent from happening.
And this all comes about, because I cannot go to friggin' sleep.
Have you ever had a night like that? A night where you can't go to sleep, but you think of that one thing that would make you fall asleep. So you think about how much you want to do that one thing so that you can go to sleep, but the more you think about it, the more you cannot fall asleep?
That's me...
Posts
-hug-
ReplyDeleteI've had way too many nights like those. You know where I live, my door is always figuratively open.
-hug back-
ReplyDeleteThank you hubby.
=/ You always seem to make me sad, Jessi, reading these posts. And in a way, that's really good... since you're dragging up all of our fears, all of our insecurities and moments when we're at our most vulnerable, and making us face them.
ReplyDeleteYes, I've had nights like these before... no, there's nothing good about them. =/ The only thing that I find puts me to sleep when I'm like that is trying to shut down my brain through anything relaxed, meditative. Mindlessly repeating "One, one, one," mentally (since counting sheep requires your brain to keep track of which number you're on, which keeps me awake :P). Reciting the Lord's prayer, praying stream of consciousness. Trying to slip into a dreamscape: imagining myself walking down a windswept canyon is one of my favourites. Anything calming, soothing, relaxing.
Anything but actual thought.
I'm sorry that I do that...I don't like making people feel bad. But, like you said it's a good thing, simply being aware of the fact that we are vulnerable and weak. And acknowledging that can help us get stronger.
ReplyDeleteI usually do the same thing as you. However, lately I just keep wanting to go to the gym late at night...when it's closed.