The world tells you that you are wrong. Your hair isn't the right color. You're too fat. You're stupid. You aren't pretty enough. You aren't as artistic as you were told you were. Your skin is wrong. Your thoughts are wrong. Your style is wrong. Your opinions are wrong. Your beauty is wrong and you've screwed up too many times to worth anything of value. Everything that makes you beautiful and exactly who you are supposed to be, is wrong.
These lies surround us daily. And really, what is there that we can do? When someone is told something over and over and over and that is all they hear, can you really not start to believe it?
I bet that if you asked most women how confident in themselves they are, out in friends, family or even out to coffee. Most women would say they are confident and they believe themselves to be beautiful. But take that woman and at night when she's all alone, ask her the same question. When the day is said and done, and you go to bed and review everything that's happened to you in the past few days, I bet the women that said they were confident, most of them wouldn't say quite the same thing.
When I mean confidence, I don't just mean confidence in who you are. I mean, confidence in your identity. Your looks. Your skills. Your intellect. You as a social being. You as a lover. You as a good woman. Confidence, in being an all around good human.
Society sucks today in that they push you to buy and buy and that's the only way to make you happy. They make you feel horrible about yourself to self to buy a damn cream or a shirt. What's the point?
It reminds me of something Tyler tells me to hopefully make me feel more confident as a photographer. I'll see someone with a really really nice dSLR (a photographer's camera) and they'll have different lenses and flashes and other things I don't quite know what they are. When I see that. I get really upset, because they can take better pictures than me. They are better then me in every unimportant way than I am. But, Tyler'll tell me (paraphrased), "It's not the quality of the camera that makes a good picture. It's the quality of the photographer that makes a good picture."
If you keep that in mind, why do we have to buy crap to make our skin tanner. Or makeup to "enhance the natural beauty." Or clothes that will "slim down out bodies" and make us attractive. Why? What's the point? It's not the stuff that we buy to "enhance" ourselves that makes us beautiful. It's who we are, that makes us beautiful.
For many people, that might be something a little hard to take, because we have become so reliant on products and crap to define who we are. But, we're all beautiful. Sometimes, we just have to be reminded of it.
I know that I need to be reminded all the time. Because I'm not talented in anyway. I'm a horrible friend and an even worse girlfriend. I'm greedy. I'm selfish. I'm far from even being pretty. My skin's too pale. I'm too fat. My hair is never just right. I'm not smart. And I have made too many stupid, irrational and just fucked up mistakes to really be able to be happy.
But sneaking up on me to give me a hug, makes me feel like a good friend. Using one of my pictures as your display pictures makes me feel so talented. Saying you like my hat or my shoes or something small and random, makes me feel like I don't look as bad as thought. It's the little things you never really think about in life that give me that small bit of confidence to get through the day. Though, I'm sure I am not the only one that is like that.
I know that some of you that read my ramblings aren't really going to see it. Or it's something that's never happened to you. But it is something that is all too real for me. I don't need to hear anyone tell me how amazing I am just the way I am, because there's only one person I can ever really believe those words from; and he doesn't read any of this. I don't want someone to try and tell me that what I am saying is wrong and that I should look at things from another point of view, because I am amazing and all that stuff. This is the way, I see the world. But, what I want to know is if I am the only one.
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