The world tells you that you are wrong. Your hair isn't the right color. You're too fat. You're stupid. You aren't pretty enough. You aren't as artistic as you were told you were. Your skin is wrong. Your thoughts are wrong. Your style is wrong. Your opinions are wrong. Your beauty is wrong and you've screwed up too many times to worth anything of value. Everything that makes you beautiful and exactly who you are supposed to be, is wrong.
These lies surround us daily. And really, what is there that we can do? When someone is told something over and over and over and that is all they hear, can you really not start to believe it?
I bet that if you asked most women how confident in themselves they are, out in friends, family or even out to coffee. Most women would say they are confident and they believe themselves to be beautiful. But take that woman and at night when she's all alone, ask her the same question. When the day is said and done, and you go to bed and review everything that's happened to you in the past few days, I bet the women that said they were confident, most of them wouldn't say quite the same thing.
When I mean confidence, I don't just mean confidence in who you are. I mean, confidence in your identity. Your looks. Your skills. Your intellect. You as a social being. You as a lover. You as a good woman. Confidence, in being an all around good human.
Society sucks today in that they push you to buy and buy and that's the only way to make you happy. They make you feel horrible about yourself to self to buy a damn cream or a shirt. What's the point?
It reminds me of something Tyler tells me to hopefully make me feel more confident as a photographer. I'll see someone with a really really nice dSLR (a photographer's camera) and they'll have different lenses and flashes and other things I don't quite know what they are. When I see that. I get really upset, because they can take better pictures than me. They are better then me in every unimportant way than I am. But, Tyler'll tell me (paraphrased), "It's not the quality of the camera that makes a good picture. It's the quality of the photographer that makes a good picture."
If you keep that in mind, why do we have to buy crap to make our skin tanner. Or makeup to "enhance the natural beauty." Or clothes that will "slim down out bodies" and make us attractive. Why? What's the point? It's not the stuff that we buy to "enhance" ourselves that makes us beautiful. It's who we are, that makes us beautiful.
For many people, that might be something a little hard to take, because we have become so reliant on products and crap to define who we are. But, we're all beautiful. Sometimes, we just have to be reminded of it.
I know that I need to be reminded all the time. Because I'm not talented in anyway. I'm a horrible friend and an even worse girlfriend. I'm greedy. I'm selfish. I'm far from even being pretty. My skin's too pale. I'm too fat. My hair is never just right. I'm not smart. And I have made too many stupid, irrational and just fucked up mistakes to really be able to be happy.
But sneaking up on me to give me a hug, makes me feel like a good friend. Using one of my pictures as your display pictures makes me feel so talented. Saying you like my hat or my shoes or something small and random, makes me feel like I don't look as bad as thought. It's the little things you never really think about in life that give me that small bit of confidence to get through the day. Though, I'm sure I am not the only one that is like that.
I know that some of you that read my ramblings aren't really going to see it. Or it's something that's never happened to you. But it is something that is all too real for me. I don't need to hear anyone tell me how amazing I am just the way I am, because there's only one person I can ever really believe those words from; and he doesn't read any of this. I don't want someone to try and tell me that what I am saying is wrong and that I should look at things from another point of view, because I am amazing and all that stuff. This is the way, I see the world. But, what I want to know is if I am the only one.
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I am Aaron Daigle and I approve this message. :P
ReplyDeleteAs part of the whole English major thing, and furthermore a Romantic, to me it's always subjective > objective. There is no definition of "beautiful" or any bar you have to measure up to - except for the one you set for yourself, and what other people see in you. So if someone says "Jessi, you're beautiful, and an amazing person," then in their subjective view, it's absolutely 100% true.
How do you "define," beautiful when you have your subjective view? To me all the makeup and stuff just looks fake, it's the texture and variety of natural skin, colour that rises and falls, freckles or whatnot, actual vibrancy - that's just one of the ways in which I, personally, think that goes for that.
So yeah, I'm not sure if this is totally what I got out of your post... but you have to trust in yourself to be beautiful.
[i]But sneaking up on me to give me a hug, makes me feel like a good friend. Using one of my pictures as your display pictures makes me feel so talented. Saying you like my hat or my shoes or something small and random, makes me feel like I don't look as bad as thought. It's the little things you never really think about in life that give me that small bit of confidence to get through the day.[/i]
This is definitely true, though. It's one thing to tell someone their beautiful, talented, smart - and it's another to take that belief and integrate it into your life. Actions can speak louder than words, and spontaneous hugs, using your stuff, random compliments, etc... that really helps.
A lot of what you said here really resonates with me, Jessi, since even though I'm a guy, I feel a lot of this, as well. But sometimes you just have to gather your strength and say to the world, "You know what? Screw you. I AM."
Your blog post tonight reminded me of one of my favorite quotations: “We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?” –Marianne Willamson.
ReplyDeleteYou are all of those things.
And you are not the only one.
I think all of us have felt the way you’re feeling right now at one point or another, it’s just that some of us are more aware of it than others, or are better equipped to express such complicated emotions….
I don’t know much about photography, but it seems to me that you’ve captured something here with your words. I know what you’re talking about, I’ve felt it. Don’t be so hard on yourself, my friend, you’ve figured out more than you give yourself credit for.
Take care of yourself, Jessi.
Love,
Cara
This is very similar to our conversation on female low self esteem on our drive home from Freddy.
ReplyDelete-BTW, its nic
I've seen this in society, and I despise it, but unfortunately I cannot TRULY understand your position; it has always been in my nature to run over societal norms anyway. I wish I could though.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I hear ya. The way commercials work is they create a sense of insecurity. They make you feel like you're missing something or unhappy about something, and then show a product that's supposed to fix that problem. It's kind of sneaky/evil. They actually hire psychologists to tell them how to manipulate people's insecurities to their maximum. Ugh, that gives a bad name to psychologists (which I want to be, but to help people get over insecurities in real ways, not by giving them a punching bag and saying "Have fun".)
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I love your hair. :) It's preeeeetty. ^^
I don't have an exact definition for what I define beauty as, but a part of it is simply being true to yourself and your personality. Only a portion of it is about physical looks.
ReplyDeleteAnd Ariel, that is very sad that they actually do things like that. It just makes the cycle work and it hurts people in so many ways. Women, men, relationships in ways. And it really does suck. However, good luck into become a psychologist! That would be something awesome to do, for the sake of being able to help people. And thanks. :)