Why is it all the heck over there??

Ok, so because I purchased my laptop in September from the Sony store, I got a free upgrade to windows seven. It looked a bit cooler from what I had seen of it on other computers, so I said why not. It's also an operating system worth about a hundred and sixty or so. I ordered it, and then finally got around to installing it.

I had some programs open and then needed to open a file. A file, which is conveniently on my desktop, because I access it so much. First thing I go to click is the "To Desktop" button that was conveniently provided with Vista. It wasn't there. In Vista, it was located in the taskbar right next to the Start button. But it wasn't there.

Crap. It was one of my favorite buttons in Vista, I used it ALL THE TIME. So, I sighed and then individually closed all the programs to get the the folder and continued on with my work.

I had to do that a few times and got so fed up, I went hunting. It must have been a button that was off, or just not pinned to the taskbar. Then, I found some place in my computer that said something along the lines of "clicking the desktop button will allow you to peek at the desktop." Wait, what? There is a desktop button? WHERE IS IT!!

Ok, I then noticed this little white line one the RIGHT side of the bottom bar. Could this be the sought after desktop button? Sure enough, I scrolled over it and sure enough, it read "Show Desktop." My firs reaction was "YES!" A second passed and my next thought was, "Why the heck is it ALL THE WAY OVER THERE!?"

It's on the complete opposite side of the bottom bar and right next to the notifications. Not next to the quick launch buttons on the taskbar. It was good where it was, so why was it way over there?

The Past Revisited

Well, it's been a dreadful twenty-four hours. Most of the details can't be revealed, but let's just say a part of my past was revisited this weekend, and a part, that I still can't believe was a decision I actually made.

So, let me demonstrate:

There are three people involved. A. B. and C.
Persons A and B are dating.
One night, person A breaks up with person B to go out with person C.
Guess which role I played.
That's right, I was person A.

There are those of you that know what happened, but for those of you that don't, a quick sum up:

Tyler (my current boyfriend) and I dated about two and a half years ago. One thing led to another and I broke up with him and then ended up going out with a new guy for a few days right after. Even though it's as simple as two sentences, it is still something that haunts me. It doesn't go away, no matter how hard I have tried to let it go, or forget about it or bury so far in my memories that it doesn't want to resurface... but no matter what I do, it always comes back to haunt me.

Then, I hurt someone and I did feel really bad about it (even if he doesn't believe me when I say that.) I regret ending things the way I did. It's the regret I hold above all of the regrets I have. Yes, I do have some, not many, but there's some.

Today, I feel worse about it now than I did then, because there's no forgiveness for me for it. And now that it has happened to someone else... well, I feel even worse, because I didn't see the signs that it would happen. I wish I could have done something to make it better, but I know there wasn't anything I could have done. Yet, lower I seem to sink into a desperate pit of suffering because of a stupid, girly, teenage mistake that I made.

Why he ever wanted me back between then and now, I'll never understand. Why he wanted things to start again this time, I don't know. Why he loves me, are reasons that I can't believe. But they are all the reasons that I love him. There's reason upon reason upon reason as to why I love him. The reasons he gives to me are too good to be true. Yet, I hurt him so much. Why?

I don't deserve him... because he can do better.

A Conclusion of Sorts

As of late, and by late I mean within the past two months, I decided that I wanted to pursue photography as a potential career path. The idea never would have come to mind if my boyfriend, Tyler, hadn't of mentioned it. See, for those of you that don't know him, he's an independent director. He's done a handful of small projects for people and is on his way to directing a major motion picture. He talks almost constantly about computers, programs, and cameras. With all of the talking he does one would either get annoyed or more and more interested. I went the interested route.

One night we were walking back to his apartment and we were talking away. I have been considering getting a dslr for a few months now, just to see what it would be like. In response, he said, "You know, I always thought it'd be awesome for a director to date a photographer. It'd be good for a work. Hiring two rather than one." Ever since that night, the idea of me becoming a photographer has grown. At first it was because I thought it would be something fun to try out. Then over Christmas, Tyler had said, to cheer me up one night though he did still mean it, that I take better pictures than some photographers with professional equipment. It made me feel awesome about myself and built up some much needed self-confidence. However, I did take what he said seriously, I just didn't realize how true what he had said was.

A day or so ago, I had been looking through listed photographers in Fredericton. I want to see if I can work with a photographer personally to learn a bit more of the trade. However, I looked through about five of the most local listed photographers work (http://www.chantalarseneau.com/Photography_Fredericton/Photography_Portfolio.html , http://www.karencaseyphotography.com/ , http://www.soulmatesphotography.ca/index2.php ) and was quite surprised. A good photo always pops out to me and I feel the emotions that are being portrayed through a photograph. of all the photos I had looked at, there might have only be two or three PHOTOS that were really good to give me those feelings.


It was in that moment that I realized, "Wow, I can do this." I discovered that I do have potential to become rather good at photography. Mind you, my photos (http://www.flickr.com/photos/jessiroy/) are taken with a basic point and shoot digital camera. While the "professional" photographers are all using good cameras and equipment and computer programs. I don't have the same kind of equipment or skill with the programs, but I learn easily. For the first real time in my life, I have confidence in myself that I can actually do something. I have a direction that I want to go in and I know that I can go that way. There's going to be days when I want to quit and give up, but I'll have friends and Tyler, above all, egging me on, because on the days I don't want to belive in myself, everyone else will be.



Self-confidence...my downfall.

Just found this out!

Alright, so I just found out that I can have new posts/a notification e-mailed to up to ten people whenever I post something. So, if any of you are that dedicated to reading this. Just let me know and I'll hook you up with it.

David Guetta Feat. Akon in "Sexy Chick"

This series of music videos was shot by six different directors. I won't list them all off, because it's hard to find all of their names and who did which one. If someone wants to find them all for me, that'd be awesome! Which was interesting, because there wasn't just one edit of the video, there were actually six. Regardless that I really don't like the one that was chosen for the main edit, I can't always have my way. The six different edits are the Main edit, the Nerd edit, the Sexy Chick edit, the Photographer edit, the B****s edit and the Aquatic edit. (All of the edits are linked at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0boYATLdosM&annotation_id=annotation_970796&feature=iv except for the Photographer edit, so it has to be searched seperatly.)

For those of you that don't have about twenty minutes to watch them all, or who don't want to watch them all, here is my summary of each edit, in the order that I watched them.

Main Edit:

All of the edits are based at a pool party somewhere. However, they all follow a different person/group of people. The main edit follows Akon at this party. It shows him with different girls and hanging out with David Guetta as if they were the "luckiest son's of bitches" (to refer to the phrase.) After the party, we follow Akon to the dance club with even more girls. To go with the title of the song, there's sexy chicks EVERYWHERE you look and there's no avoiding it with this music video. But it works.

However, I really do not like this edit. For me, it just seems that it is too random and there's splashes (no pun intended) of things that don't make sense. They look like there's a story behind them, but with this music video, there just isn't. Which, for me, made me kind of confused. Though if you watch all the other videos you see where everything came from, but it simply doesn't make sense to edit a video that doesn't make sense unless you spend twenty minutes watching all the OTHER versions of the same thing. Also, the song is about one girl in particular that is this amazing sexy chick. But which one is she? There is no focus on one girl particular, which made me feel as if the video was contradicting the song. Because this video focuses on one of the artists, then there should be a bit more of him in the video and shots where he's not badly lip-syncing to his own song. Overall, this ranks as a number four.

Sexy Chick Edit:

This is the edit that makes the most sense to what the song is about. The focus is on one girl, who is the sexy chick girl. She leaves clues for Akon to find her throughout the video. He keeps following and looking for her, as if he really wanted her. Closely related to what the song talks about. The way this video is laid out it is a perfect story and kind of makes sense as to why the whole thing is set at a pool. Though, in my mind a pool isn't the best setting, but oh well. Can't have my way, yet again.

Overall, there's not much that I can say about this video. Yes, I don't like the pool as a setting, but that's where they all are. Everything just works so much better in this video than in any of the other edits. The choice in person to follow works. Akon's role works. There's not blahness or blan. No bad lip-syncing. There's nothing that confuses you too much. No shots that look like a horny teenager shot them. Therefore, this is my number one choice. Which disappointed me when I should have watched it last.

Nerd Edit:

The storyline of this edit follows the same path that the previous two edits have followed. Pool party. Lots of girls. Club. However, this one follows a group of semi (and very slightly at that) nerdy guys that manage to get into this pool party. The way they seemingly act is as if they've never ever dreamed of being in such a position or even been within ten feet of a girl. Seems a slightly cheesy to me. Because it's something that just hangs over the video and isn't really a strong factor.

However, there is a reasonable story to this one that kind of makes sense. Except, the song is not something would reasonably come from a nerdy kind of guy. Plus, the song is in first person, not third (because there is a group of guys rather than just one.) Again, there is no focus on one girl, which is the basis of what the song is. However, it makes sense, if only a little bit more than the others. This is number two.

Aquatic Edit:

Ok, this one was just plain bad. Girls in a pool. That's the entirety of this edit of the video and I really hated it. There's was nothing special about it and it just seemed like two guys got with a ton of girls and video taped them dancing in a pool. Then this one girl dives into the pool and gets stranded on a beach? How does that work at all? This edit was just a complete fail, as a music video. This ranks as big fat number six for me.

Photographer Edit

This edit follows through like the Sexy Chick edit. It follows one girl in particular, who is carrying around a Polaroid camera and taking pictures of people at the party. And then it cuts and you don't see her again when the club scene comes on.

I might have liked this one a bit more if I had watched it before the Sexy Chick edit, because they are both so similar. However, the song is obviously not about her, because she's not turning any guy on. The girl that the song is for is this girl that every girl wants to be. Frankly, it doesn't work for me. The flow of the video doesn't work, but it works better than some of the other edits. Therefore, this is my third favorite.

B****s Edit

This is the last edit that I watched. And I saved it for last intentionally. Ok, so the title of the edit mixing with the song gave me the impression that it would be pretty good at portraying the song. And was I right? No. It followed the same story line as all but the Aquatic did. Pool. Girls. Club. This one seems like it was supposed to be a dirtier version of the Sexy Chick Edit. The focus is on a small group of girls and little is seen of David or Akon.

The problem with this one though is it reminded me of the Aquatic edit for a good portion of the video. It seemed like some guys got some chicks to act "sexy" with some random things they found. If you listen to the song and hear what it's about, you see that this contradicts the song a bit. "I'm tryna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful." Hmm... Does a fake sexy really seem even slightly respectful? Another fail in my books with a ranking of five.

Well, that's my opinion of all of them. However, a pool? Why a pool? The beat, the lyrics, the compilation, everything just pulls one to having a music video set some place where the lighting is dark. Like a club. Man, they could even be at a house party or something like that. A pool with a lot of white simply doesn't work.

But, I do enjoy the fact that there were numerous edits of the video, regardless that most of them sucked to high heaven. Anyway, stay tuned, 'cause I'll more than likely be doing this again sometime!

Opinions?

“Julianne!” Rebeth whispered as she saw the woman turn around the corner. Julianne, quickened her pace as she saw her comrade. “Is anyone following you?” Julianne shook her head. “Good. Quick, follow me.” Rebeth turned and cautiously ran back to the perimeter base.

Upon nearing the outer wall of the base, Rebeth called out like a bird of prey: the red-tailed hawk. Instantly ropes were dropped from the wall. The two women sped as they neared the wall and jumped upon the ropes. The women began climbing as those on the wall began to pull the ropes up.

“Alright, I need to see Pateri.” Julianne stated with urgency as she stood up.

“Follow me.” Rebeth led Julianne into the complex. She took Julianne into a room and then said, “Wait here. I’ll go get him. Take a minute to breath then, pass the message on to him. I’ll be right back.” Rebeth left the room.

Julianne leaned against the wall and went over the message one more time, so she wouldn’t forget from exhaustion. She put her hand in her pocket and felt her lighter. Upon finding her lighter, she remembered her cigarettes, pulled them out, and lit up. She took a deep drag and held it before releasing the smoke into the air. If only her mother saw her now. Back then, Julianne never would have dreamed of smoking. Times were different.

The world had turned to war. People murdered each other for the fun of it. They were recruited to kill. Killing was the way of life. You couldn’t escape it. There was an apocalypse and the only way for people to cope with it the death and horror that it brought, was to kill even more.