Is it so bad to find little melodies in life? Using buttons, metal things that squeak and other objects to turn an ordinary sound into something of a little beauty.
Is it so bad to want to break stereotypes? Going places people don't usually go together.
Is it so bad to go on walks late at night? See the world when people sleep and just enjoy what people don't see.
Is it so bad to pretend? Be different people from different eras for a few hours and enjoy a life not so stressful as your own.
Is it so bad to want something that's not normal? To be a little weird and feel good that you're not like every other stinkin' person on the planet.
I enjoy the little things in life. Sometimes a little bit more than people want me to. There's so many things that I enjoy doing in life that I usually don't notice or forget that other people think it's weird. That's who I am. I love it and sometimes it bothers people. That small joy that I find doesn't sit well with some people and it makes me feel like being myself is a bad thing. I try not to let it bother me, but sometimes I can't help it.
My whole life has been spent trying to figure out why I do things, how I do them, what causes me to do them, what causes me to feel certain ways, why I feel certain ways, who I am. That's all my life will be, finding out who I am. It's not something that someone can easily discover on their own. And how can you really find out who you are and what makes you up if everyone keeps telling you what you aren't and what you shouldn't be? Shouldn't you be the one to decide that?
Why can't other people take care to notice the small things. They are everywhere and everyone doesn't seem to care or notice or to even bother to do either of the two previous. Why do people think that it's 'weird' rather than asking why is she doing that? What is causing her to do that? Is there something that I am missing out on? But, weird is out. It's embarrassing and people don't like to be embarrassed, so why should they even bother?
Those things that give me that small ounce of joy give me courage. I've lived such a sheltered life that I never noticed what life REALLY has to offer. I'm starting to see those things now and it means so much, but no one else sees it like I do. The little things don't matter to others and being told that it's not what it means to me, hurts. It tells me that I am wrong. I don't feel like that. I shouldn't feel the way I do. I don't deserve that small bit of joy.
They also give me confidence and self-esteem in myself. I'm far from being a prideful person, but seeing life and things in the way that I do, because I enjoy them, gives me a little bit more confidence and self-esteem, because I believe in myself for once and believing in myself isn't something that happens often at all.
It's inspiration. Seeing things and doing things differently than the typical person gives me a different insight on life. It's a different way of looking at something all the time. And I love it. It means that I can have a wild imagination. I can plan and create things, whether it's cooking or art or other things like that.
Why is this a bad thing?
People don't flat out say, "You're wrong. You suck. Don't do that again." But they do. Not intentionally. They say it with the way they say something, the words they choose, the sounds in their voice. It's disheartening and that's what people sometimes try not to do. They don't want me to do something, but they say they don't mind it in a 'niceish' voice rather than flat out telling me, because they don't want to seem like they're mean and 'that' type of person. Which is exactly what they do to me.
It gets really aggravating, because to me...it feels like they're telling me what not to do.
Posts
If there's anything Romanticism and literature has taught me, Jessi, (well, a lot of things, but among them) that you are an individual, and the world makes sense in the way you view it and express it. People might not see the world you do, but that doesn't interfere with you doing what you want. Remember, many of the geniuses and individuals in society got a lot of flak for it, but you have to find an inner strength in yourself to maintain your own identity in the wake of the waves that would grind you down.
ReplyDeleteOf course, there's nothing wrong with being apart of society and conforming - if you want to. And individual will is always at the heart of it.
:) So keep you're head up, Jessi, and don't let the small things and weird looks bother you. You are who you are.
By the way, I was listening through this with my brother, and it made me think of this post. ^^
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1rZ5FR5QAI&fmt=18
Thanks for the song, Aaron. I love Metric, but I only ever listened to one CD, and the song you put there was amazing! And, like you said, it does go well with this post.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks, Aaron. You're always good at cheering me up. :)