Willing Past the Despair

Life is an interesting thing. You don't always see the direction you're going in or it makes you believe you're going in a completely opposite way than you think.

I don't think this post week be long, it's just mostly my thought on something. Well, a thought on how I've been feeling lately.

The past couple of years have been hard on me. Everyone determines what is hard based on their life experiences and for me, it's done of the hardest things I've had to go through with the toughest lessons I've had to learn.

I feel so empty...

But saying that makes me sad when I don't really think about it, because it's new not being myself. It's a negative outlook on a state of being: the cup half empty. I'm a naturally positive and very optimistic person. It's a trait I really enjoy possessing. Lately, it's been hard to find the positive side and move beyond the obstacles that I have been facing.

I should look at myself and say, "I'm so empty inside, but look at all this room I get to fill."

Humans don't like to feel empty, and I believe that people should have the opportunity to choose what to fill themselves up with. (Though not everyone who has this opportunity chooses wisely...)

I've spent a long time now depriving myself from experiences, information, memories, adventures. I should feel empty. I decided (pretty sure I really heavily subconsciously decided on this, because it took me awhile to figure out) that I needed to erase what was, because I needed to create something better.

I have to look at this empty feeling as a blessing. I have the beautiful opportunity to recreate myself to be the person I am inside. To shine light on all that I've kept hidden from myself.

This is a glass half full. Willing itself to life.

And that's exactly what I need to do.

Believe it.
Accept it.
Adopt it.

Get ready self! I'm fucking coming for you.