A Hall Stranger

I have now become a stranger in the halls that I grew to call home. I was checked out of my room number 142 in Holy Cross House tonight. I leave early tomorrow morning to go home. I guess this is it. This was my university experience. As my last post described, it has been an amazing experience and I am so very thankful for everything that's happened this year. It's helped me and I can now tell someone that I belong in this house, even if not a STU student.

It will be weird, seeing someone living in my room next year. And all of the rooms that others have moved out of. I guess that just means others that moved out and me have to come back to the house and torment the first years. :) Well, not reaaaally.

Anyway, this is short and I might write more later. But probably not. It's time for me to go to bed soon...

My Only Year At HCH

For now, I will only ever spend one year in university. That might change as I get older, but this was my only year in residence. Oh Holy Cross, you have shown me so much and I have so much thanks. I never thought my year here would be as amazing as it was. After you have lived here for a few months, there are a few things that happen to everyone else.

-You know the sound of people's footsteps in the hall and can identify them.
-You know what everyone's towels look like from the shower.
-You know whos laundry you're folding when you want to use a dryer.
-You will procrastinate. No matter how hard you try not to, procrastination will always hit you.
-The Olympics never fails to bring everyone together.
-Even if it's three in the morning and you could swear you're the last one awake in your hall, you hear the bathroom door open and know you're not alone.
-No matter what time of the night, there will always be someone that you can talk to if you really need them.
-Inside jokes lurk around every corner and they are waiting for you.
-If you have hundreds of dollars left on your meal card by the end of the year, you're someone's new best friend forever.
-If you can find a show online for someone, they will love the most you until the next person helps them out.
-There's always a tv show that someone wants to watch with you.
-If you don't have a text book for a class, someone in your hall will.
-Looking for a shirt to go out tonight? Someone in your hall has one to spare!
-You'll eventually learn the sleeping patterns of at least half the people in your hall.
-If you have a tv, everyone's in your room at some point.
-But if you have an N64, you can't get them to leave.
-There will always be more than one person in your hall that you want to steal music from.
-If you desperately need to print something off, someone in your hall will print it off for you.
-Cars? You don't really need one of those. There's two perfectly good feet and a bus pass for you to use.
-Stickertag will be the sketchiest part of the whole year.
-It will make and potentially break friendships.
-But you know who your friends are when you make an alliance and those in your hall bring you supper rather than let you run down to the caf completely exposed.
-In HCH, you will always make friends to last. Friends that are more than just school friends you see in class. Friends that you eagerly wait the week at home to be able to see them on the weekends. Friends that also get mad at you, because you aren't old enough to go to the bars yet, but they wait until your birthday.

This year has meant so much to me and has taught me so much that I feel like I will never be able to repay the Cross for all that it has done for me. I thank everyone who's helped me in one way or another and all of the friends I can't wait to see after school's over.

NEW:

Just to make this post even better, when you live in the Cross you:
-You know where everyone in your hall sleeps.
-You know what side of the room their bed is on.
-You know which desk they study on.
-You know what kind of computer they have.
-You know where they go to the bathroom.
-You know where they shower.
-You know which shower stall they prefer.
-You know what color towels they use.
-And to add to this creepiness, you know what kind of underwear that they wear...

Is It So Bad?

Is it so bad to enjoy the feeling of running? The wind rushing against my skin.
Is it so bad to find little melodies in life? Using buttons, metal things that squeak and other objects to turn an ordinary sound into something of a little beauty.
Is it so bad to want to break stereotypes? Going places people don't usually go together.
Is it so bad to go on walks late at night? See the world when people sleep and just enjoy what people don't see.
Is it so bad to pretend? Be different people from different eras for a few hours and enjoy a life not so stressful as your own.
Is it so bad to want something that's not normal? To be a little weird and feel good that you're not like every other stinkin' person on the planet.

I enjoy the little things in life. Sometimes a little bit more than people want me to. There's so many things that I enjoy doing in life that I usually don't notice or forget that other people think it's weird. That's who I am. I love it and sometimes it bothers people. That small joy that I find doesn't sit well with some people and it makes me feel  like being myself is a bad thing. I try not to let it bother me, but sometimes I can't help it.

My whole life has been spent trying to figure out why I do things, how I do them, what causes me to do them, what causes me to feel certain ways, why I feel certain ways, who I am. That's all my life will be, finding out who I am. It's not something that someone can easily discover on their own. And how can you really find out who you are and what makes you up if everyone keeps telling you what you aren't and what you shouldn't be? Shouldn't you be the one to decide that?

Why can't other people take care to notice the small things. They are everywhere and everyone doesn't seem to care or notice or to even bother to do either of the two previous. Why do people think that it's 'weird' rather than asking why is she doing that? What is causing her to do that? Is there something that I am missing out on? But, weird is out. It's embarrassing and people don't like to be embarrassed, so why should they even bother?

Those things that give me that small ounce of joy give me courage. I've lived such a sheltered life that I never noticed what life REALLY has to offer. I'm starting to see those things now and it means so much, but no one else sees it like I do. The little things don't matter to others and being told that it's not what it means to me, hurts. It tells me that I am wrong. I don't feel like that. I shouldn't feel the way I do. I don't deserve that small bit of joy.

They also give me confidence and self-esteem in myself. I'm far from being a prideful person, but seeing life and things in the way that I do, because I enjoy them, gives me a little bit more confidence and self-esteem, because I believe in myself for once and believing in myself isn't something that happens often at all.

It's inspiration. Seeing things and doing things differently than the typical person gives me a different insight on life. It's a different way of looking at something all the time. And I love it. It means that I can have a wild imagination. I can plan and create things, whether it's cooking or art or other things like that.

Why is this a bad thing?

People don't flat out say, "You're wrong. You suck. Don't do that again." But they do. Not intentionally. They say it with the way they say something, the words they choose, the sounds in their voice. It's disheartening and that's what people sometimes try not to do. They don't want me to do something, but they say they don't mind it in a 'niceish' voice rather than flat out telling me, because they don't want to seem like they're mean and 'that' type of person. Which is exactly what they do to me.

It gets really aggravating, because to me...it feels like they're telling me what not to do.

It's Just One of Those Days

The time is here. The breeze is just cool enough to be refreshing. You can smell the life returning to the plants and the land. When you're alone and you're used to hearing the silence of the day, the sound of a bird singing comes as a delightful surprise. The sun is actually warm again. Everything is good.

It's one of those weeks. A week were work gets done, everyone around is happy, and warmth and light just seems to shine in everyone's life.

This has been my week and life...


has been good.